I can remember the worst doubts I had were right before I finally broke through. I did not have anybody to encourage me in what I was doing. I was a loner and even still am a very private person. There aren’t many that I reach out to and it has frightened me no end to discover my purpose at times has been that of a teacher.
If there is a way to describe me it is that I am stubborn as a rock. That’s what my name means, Pauline, Paul, stand firm and hold fast. Also, in the Michael Teachings I’ve got a real wide stubborn streak. It’s a help at times and at other times is a hindrance. But, it’s the way I am. It helped when I was learning how to channel because I didn’t give up. That didn’t preclude me from those most serious doubts towards the end of it, though. And, I remember how horrible they were. Not only did I doubt that what I was doing would ever really amount to anything, but I doubted that I had a guide who was even remotely interested in talking to me and worst of all I doubted the existence of God. That one hurt. I felt so alone. I remember that. It was dismal.
Thankfully, that last awful stage didn’t last long. Maybe as with other things you’ve got to hit whatever passes for rock-bottom for you in order to move to the next stage. Learning to channel helped me to rediscover my faith. I hadn’t lost it. Things were just changing a bit.
I call channeling a skill. I don’t think it is a gift, though as infrequently as you see it and as hard as it is to do sometimes, in the end you might think of it as a gift. I think it’s more like having brown eyes.
I also think a lot of people are already doing it and just don’t realize they are doing it.
After you learn how to channel and have decided in your heart of hearts that is what you are now doing, the way you channel is going to change over time.
In the beginning there is an incredible sense of exhilaration. It’s like you’ve discovered the newest, most fantastic, freshest, most inspiring, most motivating force in your life. After awhile you get used to it and the whole experience loses that newness and becomes ordinary. You’re still doing the same stuff, but you’ve adjusted to it and made it you. I guess it’s sort of like falling in love. Remember those first looks? Remember that first rush of feeling that hits you from your crotch to your toes leaving your knees weak and then rebounds to your throat and heart? It only took a look, didn’t it? Now, married to that same guy for the last 30 years the huge rushes are mostly gone, but the love is always there. The love has changed too. You’ve matured and your love for each other has matured. It's almost steadier. You grew into each other. That’s what it’s like, too, with channeling.
In the beginning, for me, the channeling was an intrusion into my own thoughts. It was like jumping rope and getting my feet tangled up all the time. I believe, now, that was deliberate. It’s not like hearing voices in your head, but it is like hearing voices in your head. I remember I used to ask Seth, “Did you say something or did I think something?” It was weird. Thankfully, it didn’t last long. I devised a system to check myself. I call it talking in fingers.
Talking in fingers evolved from me using a Ouija board. On the board up in the upper right corner there is a, “NO” and in the upper left corner there is a, “YES”. For a really quick acknowledgement and in lieu of a long involved guide-like answer where I cannot pay attention due to the fact that I’m either at work, driving the car and need to pay attention to what I’m doing or any other number of things that require my attention a quick YES or NO was enough to calm me down in that other part of my brain where I’m talking to a guide.
Picture this: I’m at work. The phones are ringing. People are asking me questions. I’m filing and typing and entering information to spreadsheets and stuff. Something comes up in my head. What the? I can’t stop doing all that other stuff, but I sure as shootin’ want a YES or a NO about what I just heard. I put my hand on my upper chest…above my boobs and touching my collar bone and ask. If my index finger ticks up and down that means YES and if my pinkie finger boinks up and down that means NO. Easy. That’s finger talk. It began with me using my right hand since I'm right handed, but it also works with your other hand if you choose to use it. So, for me the talking in fingers has only ever gone to three words…Index finger means yes, pinkie means no and if they all start doing a tattoo that means maybe, or whatever, or I’m not going to answer that now for that is a stupid question. LOL, as I finished typing the above sentence that last part of it about the stupid question has NEVER been an option and I figured that was Seth coming in with his own stuff. So, I lifted my right hand from the keyboard and asked, “Did you mean that?” I got a YES with my index finger and then I asked just to make sure we were all on the same page, “You want me to take it out?” and the pinkie went NO.
Talking fingers. I like to say I sort of invented it since I never heard of anybody else using it. I use it all the time. It's helpful when you're out in public, can't concentrate real good and want an opinion from your Guide and don't want to stand there still as a statue in the middle of the isle at a department store communing with your guide. Folks tend to walk around you and look at you funny. Maybe it will help with you. Play with it.